Are you a real brewery?

Why yes, yes we are ... but technically no. We are not a business and we don't sell anything. Yet. However, we do make real beer! ... and we make real music! Not that Justin Bieber bullshit that makes you want to slit your wrist either ... what the hell is wrong with you?

What is your address and how do I get directions?

You don't & I'm not giving it to you - you psychopath. Seriously. You have to know someone special on the inside, plus an invitation just to learn the secret handshake to get in. And then there's background checks, DNA testing & cavity searches ... it's really involved.

Do you have customer service?

Of course! Our friendly and knowledgeable customer services reps are available to answer your questions 24/7/365.

But no ... not really. What the F were you thinking?